Izvodi iz knjiga | O.L.I. centar

Neutralizacija (i mentalizacija) - razboritost, regulator psihe - i sposobnost za ljubav

            Govorili smo već o tome da je neutralizacija promena čiste, instiktualne energije u oblike energije koji su prikladniji za funkcionisanje ega (neutralizovane energije), to jest oblike energije koje karakteriše visok nivo kontrole ega i kapacitet za odlaganje neposrednog instiktualnog zadovoljenja. Kada organizam dođe u stanje neravnoteže (višak ili manjak nečega), energija nagona se pokreće da bi se zadovoljila potreba i povratilo stanje ravnoteže. Međutim, nagonska energija je kao neobuzdani konj. Sirova instiktualna energija preplavljuje Ego i dovodi do „kuršlusa“, ispada u funkcionisanju.

Kako to praktično izgleda? Osoba čije se kognitivne funkcije napajaju neneutralizovanim energijom ima iskrivljenu sliku stvarnosti. Ako su kognitivne funkcije (opažanje, mišljenje, pamćenje) napajane agresijom, osoba će u stvarnosti tražiti i videti znake opasnosti i agresivnosti, tražiće „dlaku u jajetu“, negativne komponente stvarnosti koji će opravdavati njegovu agresivnost. Njegova percepcija će biti usmerena na negativne, ugrožavajuće aspekte stvarnosti, na negativne osobine drugih ljudi…Na taj način će i tumačiti dobijene podatke, obrađivati ih, pamtiti „samo loše stvari“…Ako su kognitivne funkcije napajane neneutralizovanom seksualnom energijom, osoba će, takođe, iskrivljavati stvarnost, u svemu videti seksualnost, erotizovati one kognitivne funkcije koje nisu seksualne, videti samo one aspekte osobe koji se uklapaju u njene seksualne potrebe (kao kad se kaže za muškarca, na primer, da razmišlja „donjom glavom“). Naravno, seksualna energija može biti usmerena na oralnost, analnost, falusnost…i osoba može erotizovati kognitivne funkcije oralnom, analnom ili falusnom seksualnošću i agresijom. Posledica toga je da osoba ne opaža, ne misli, ne pamti jasno, neiskrivljeno. Svakodnevnim jezikom izraženo, to su stanja koje ljudi opažaju i opisuju kao „udarili mu hormoni u glavu“ ili „zaslepeo ga je bes“, „ljubav je slepa“, „ponaša se impulsivno“, „nepromišljeno“, „brzopleto“…Sve su to opisi iskrivljavanja kognitivnih funkcija neneutralizovanim instiktualnim energijama (afektima). Opisi kao što su: „ostaje trezven i u emotivno nabijenim situacijama“, „razborita osoba“, „realna osoba“, „ne gubi glavu“, „razmišlja hladne glave“ „objektivna osoba“…govore o kognitivnim funkcijama osoba sposobnih za neutralizaciju. To ne znači da je racionalna, realna osoba, bez energije, da je potisnula svoje instikte ili ih ugasila, da je aseksualna ili da nema potrebnu agresivnost. Ona nije „mrtvo puvalo“, mislilac bez emocija, robot, kompjuter…Njen ego ima puno energije, ali je ta energija dobrim delom neutralna i služi egu za funkcije adaptacije na stvarnost, na zadovoljenje potrebe na najadekvatniji, najadaptabilniji način.    

U diskusiji o neutralizaciji razmatrali smo dve njene strane - 1) neutralizovanje instiktualne energije, pretvaranje instiktualne energije u energiju dostupnu egu za obavljanje mentalnih procesa, i 2) stvaranje određenih mentalnih sposobnosti - sekundarno autonomnih funkcija koje su nastale kroz rešavanje konflikata (npr. opšta sposobnost rešavanja problema, planiranja i organizovanja akcije…) i koriste se tom neutralizovanom energijom kao trajnim i stabilnim „gorivom“. Ova druga strana neutralizacije blisko je povezana sa konceptom mentalizacije. (Fonagy, P., 2001,2002,2005).

Mentalizacija je sposobnost da mentalno obrađujemo svoje emocije, afektivna stanja, tenzije...umesto da ih praznimo kroz ponašanje bez razmišljanja. Takvo obrađivanje omogućuje čoveku da razume sopstvena emotivna stanja, kao i stanja drugih ljudi, da stvori „teoriju uma“ (sposobnost deteta koje se razvija na uobičajeni način, da pripisuje mentalna stanja kao što su želje, uverenja, namere sebi i drugima, kao način da osmisli i predvidi ponašanje drugih (Tager-Flusberg & Baron-Cohen, 1993). Sposobnost podrazumeva razumevanje toga da ponašanje drugih ljudi sadrži nameru ili svrhu, da ih motiviše želja da iskažu svoje mentalno stanje ili da komuniciraju sa drugima.). Teorija uma opisuje kako je moguće drugima pripisati pogrešna uverenja, dok mentalizacija ili refleksivna funkcija označava razumevanje sopstvenog ponašanja kao i ponašanja drugih u terminima mentalnih stanja. Odrasle osobe sa problemima neutralizacije i mentalizacije imaju i ozbiljne probleme u sposobnosti za ljubav. Nisu u stanju da vladaju svojim afektima - obuzimaju ih, kao što nisu u stanju da razumeju svoje postupke, pa ni postupke drugih. Oni “razmišljaju emocijama”, donose zaključke prema tome kako se osećaju, ono što osećaju mora biti istina, zato što oni tako osećaju.

Često se dešava da su osobe sa problemima neutralizacije ponosne na tu svoju nesposobnost. Smatraju sebe izuzetnio emotivnima i iskrenima („što na um, to na drum“ ), strastvenim osobama koje se „predaju“ emocijama, vole „do daske“, mrze „do daske“...ulaze „srcem“ u sve...iako ih to često dovodi u nevolje i stvara probleme (to smatraju posledicom „iskrenosti“, „neuvijanja u celofan“...). Nazivaju sebe „emotivcima“. Međutim, tu se ne radi o slobodnom ispoljavanju emocija, već o nesposobnosti obrade i artikulacije emocija. Takve osobe „srljaju“ u nepromišljena ponašanja, nestrpljive su i impulsivne, sklone velikim oscilacijama raspoloženja i afekata, „plahovite“.

Nedovoljna sposobnost neutralizacije čini ljude nepredvidljivima. To plaši partnere sa kojima žive, decu koju vaspitavaju i prijatelje sa kojima su u odnosima. Najčešća reakcija je da im se „ide uz dlaku, da ne bi popizdeli“. Drugi član para preuzima ulogu regulatora emocija. Pokušava da „stiša strasti“, da „ne raspaljuje vatru“...Često osobe sa problemima neutralizacije dobijaju etiketu „palidrvce“. Ni oni sami, nakon emotivnih ispada „ne znaju šta im bi...“, što ukazuje na nesposobnost mentalizacije, makar naknadne obrade sopstvenih emocija, razumevanja uzroka svojih ponašanja...Kako ne razumeju sebe, tako ne razumeju i druge. Takve osobe su nepromišljena, reaktivna bića nestalnog i nepredvidljivog ponašanja.

Napomenuli smo da zrela sposobnost da se voli zahteva brigu, odgovornost, poštovanje i poznavanje (From, 1990). Osobe sa problemima neutralizacije mogu biti brižne, ali je, često, njihova briga nerazumna, opterećena njima nerazumljivim impulsima, nepromišljena, što bitno umanjuje i njihovu sposobnost za odgovornost (odgovornost je odgovor na potrebe stvarnosti, potrebe druge osobe – a to zahteva da razumemo drugu osobu, imamo njenu „teoriju uma“, pa da odgovorimo u skladu sa razumevanjem. Osobe sa problemima neutralizacije odgovaraju plahovito, vođene više sopstvenim impulsima nego potrebama drugoga. Nedostatak mentalizacije im onemogućava da mentalno obrade emotivne sadržaje pre nego što reaguju, a i da nakon reakcije „porazmisle o tome i izvuku pouku“.

Opisujući sastojke zrelog „umeća ljubavi“ From kaže:  “Poštovanje - znamo ko je zbilja objekat naše ljubavi, pružamo sve što imamo, dobro znajući sve mane voljene osobe, ne pridajući joj osobine koje bismo želeli da je karakterišu.”, “Poznavanje - omogućava da zanemarimo svoju emotivnu reakciju i voljenu osobu vidimo kao što se ona vidi. Prodiremo u dubinu njene ličnosti i znamo kako joj pomoći. Na ovaj način pokušavamo otkriti tajnu ljudske prirode, jer ako se odreknemo kognitivnog puta, misli i destrukcije, nasilja i rastavljanja jedinke, što je samo uništava, ostaje nam samo put ljubavi. To sjedinjenje daje nam osećaj da smo postali jedno sa voljenom osobom i sa celim svijetom, da smo upoznali. No, ovom osećaju spajanja mora predhoditi kongitivno poznavanje psihičkih osobina osobe koju volimo”. Jasno je da osoba sa problemima neutralizacije i mentalizacije ima velikih teškoća da ispuni ovo što From opisuje. Da “zanemari svoju emotivnu reakciju i osobu vidi kao što se ona vidi”...Nedostatak mentalizacije onemogućava kognitivno poznavanje psihičkih osobina osobe koju volimo.

            Sličan problem imaju i partneri osoba sa ovakvim problemima. Teško im je da ih „spoznaju“, jer ni oni ne poznaju sami sebe, pa nisu u stanju da jasnije artikulišu svoja osećanja i stanja. Često čujemo izjave partnera o tome kako više ne mogu da ih poštuju, jer ni oni sami ne poštuju sebe. Kažu: „kako da poštujem nekoga ko se ponaša kao dete, hirovito, nepredvidljivo...dozvoljava sebi takve neartikulisane ispade...a posle čak ozbiljno ni ne razmisli o tome“. Da, nije lako poštovati nekoga ko ne kontroliše sopstveno ponašanje. Deca roditelja sa problemima neutralizacije i mentalizacije uglavnom „biraju“ dve strategije: ili postanu „neprimetni“, da ne izazivaju, ne smetaju, ne provociraju...ili razviju strategiju „tuk na luk“ - agresivno, impulsivno ponašanje koje teži da nadjača emotivne ispade takvog roditelja. Deca postaju „senzitizirana“ na emotivne ispade roditelja i reaguju besom ili „otkačinjenjem“ na emotivne ispade roditelja, ili čak i na njihove nagoveštaje („makni mi se bre...marš iz moje sobe histerični nekontrolisani idiote...“). Izbor strategije zavisi i od toga koliko se plaše roditelja („otkačinjanje“ je češća strategija prema majkama. Najčešće kreće u tinejdžerskom uzrastu).

Tabela 26-sposobnost neutralizacije, mentalizacije i sposobnost za ljubav

Sposobnost: Neutralizacija, (razboritost), Menatlizacija:

Ispoljavanje razvijene sposobnosti: Neutralizacija: Uljubavnim odnosima osoba je u stanju da “stiša strasti”, reaguje razumno i trezveno, usmerena je na rešavanje problema. Snažna osećanja ne ugrožavaju racionalno mišljenje, već postaju “pogonsko gorivo” osobe za rešavanje problema, dostizanje cilja.

Menatlizacija: osoba je sposobna da razume sopstvena osećanja, da ih mentalno obradu...sposobna je da razume i stanja drugih ljudi, da ih dublje upozna, poštuje i voli

Ispoljavanje nedostatka: neutralizacija: u ljubavnim odnosima osoba ima iskrivljenu sliku stvarnosti obojenu agresivnim ili libidinoznim impulsima, iracionalno mišljenje, preplavljeno agresijom ili libidinoznom potrebom, zaslepljenost emocijama, impulsivno ponašanje, iracionalno ponašanje. Doživljaj “to je jače od mene”, “obuzelo me”, “moram to da dobijem ili uradim po svaku cenu...ne mogu da mislim o posledicama”... Nisu u stanju da vladaju svojim afektima - obuzimaju ih, kao što nisu u stanju da razumeju svoje postupke, pa ni postupke drugih.

nesposobnost mentalizacije:nesposobnost da se razmišlja o svom unutrašnjem stanju, nesposobnost za razumevanje činjenice da drugi imaju sopstvena uverenja, želje i namere.

To vodi do smanjene sposobnosti za racionalnu brigu o drugima, odgovornost i poštovanje drugih. Nedostatak mentalizacije onemogućava razumevanje i poznavanje druge osobe, što bitno umanjuje kapacitet za zrelu ljubav.

Partneri ili deca osoba sa ovim problemima su „sluđeni“ njihovim nepredvidljivim impulsivnim ponašanjima.


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